In a coaching session I had with one of my leaders this week, we were discussing his students and their behavior coming back from the Thanksgiving break. The students were struggling with major behaviors upon returning to school. Through his conversations with students as they returned to school, the principal was saddened at a common response of many of his students to a simple question.
How was your break?
Many of the students shrugged their shoulders and said, “I’m just glad to be back at school”. Can you imagine what it must feel like to be on break from school for nine days and only have one thought on your mind, “I’m just ready to go back to school”. Sadly that that’s how many of our children feel while they are away from school during the holidays.
Are Your Students Homeless for the Holidays?
When you and I take a break, we are excited to be at home during the holidays. We have time with family, time for rest from the grind, and a little peace and quiet in our lives. Unfortunately, many of our children go home, but they are essentially homeless because the home where they feel most comfortable, most loved and safest is at the school house, not their own house.
How do we recognize students who are homeless for the holidays?
The first thing we need to realize is that the major issue for our students in these situations is that there is a major Maslow Motivation gap. Below are 4 major needs that cause students to feel homeless for the holidays.
Physiological Needs - Many students are lacking adequate housing, clothing, money, food, healthcare, and even clean, drinking water. Some didn't have a Thanksgiving meal and won't have a Christmas gift either. If you’re a student lacking one, some, or all of these resources, a break from school is no break at all. It is tough to live with these needs unmet.
Safety and Security Needs - Unfortunately, many students will be leaving a safe and secure learning environment for an unsafe and insecure living environment. Many students do not look forward to a break from learning because they will be entering a world of various forms of abuse.
Love and Belongings Needs- For some students, they will get a break from the only love and nurturing environment that they have and that comes in the classroom from their teachers. Many of them will leave the comfort of their classroom will be isolated in a chaotic and/or unloving environment at home.
Self-worth and Self-esteem Needs - Some students will not hear a single word of encouragement during the holidays that builds their value, worth, and esteem. Their confidence will not be built with words of affirmation, motivation and praise. Instead, student confidence will be shattered with condescending and deflating words of condemnation throughout the break.
How do we respond to the homeless in our classrooms?
Of course we need to recognize that behavior is a response to deficiencies in our lives. If we have a gap in our needs, our behavior is a natural response to fill that gap. This means that misbehavior is a natural response to the unmet needs student experience from the home and bring back to school.
We have 2 choices.
When a behavior starts to exhibit itself, there are two responses that we can make, but they are dependent on one decision we make.
Do we acknowledge the Maslow motivation or do we ignore it?
Acknowledge - If we acknowledge that there is a Maslow motivation, we also acknowledge that we are the ones who can fill it. In order to do that, our response is simple.
Call them up to their potential.
Ignore - If we ignore the fact that the Maslow motivation is the cause of the behavior, then our response will only be to address the misbehavior and not get to the root of the problem. If we ignore their Maslow, the response can only be one thing.
Call them down for their behavior.
Up 2 or Down 4
If we want to see a change in the behavior that is positive, we must remember be strategic in finding opportunities to call students up to their potential rather than down for their behavior. Think of it in basketball or football terms. Would you rather be up by two points or down by four? Obviously we would all prefer to be up by two points rather than down by four. In order to win the game of student behavior, it's all about calling students up to their potential as opposed to down for their behavior.
In order to call them up to their potential, don’t ignore the behavior. Remind them of who they were called to become first and then address the behavior second. Remind them of their value. Remind them of their potential. Remind them that they are in a safe place in our classroom. Remind them metaphorically that in this moment, they are not homeless. They have a home in our classroom, and they belong in our classroom. We must remind them that they can do anything if they will commit to overcoming their current obstacle and lean into the moment and embrace our support to help them be successful.
Let's 'Homelessness for the Holidays'
While many of our students will be going to a Christmas break much different than ours, we can use this difficult month of December to remind them of who they are. Remind them of who they can become, and fill them with the love, encouragement, and pride that they need to be successful.
Never forget that misbehavior is a response to a major deficit in their life. We are the ones who can help them close their gap, but we’ve got to remember that we close the gap by calling them up to their potential rather than down for their behavior.
I wish you the best this December, and I pray for every student in your classroom and for you as well.
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